A Rare Breed Indeed

What's more difficult to find than:

... an honest politician?
... Ergun Caner at a debate with James R. White?
... leftover fried chicken at a Baptist fellowship dinner?
... exegesis in Frank Page's book Trouble with the TULIP?
... an Arminian at the Ligonier National Conference?

Give up yet?


Here's the answer:

A Postmillennialist in the Southern Baptist Convention!


Believe it or not, there are at least a couple of these critters in existence.

One is my fellow Mafia don Gordan Runyan, the other is yours truly: Rhett Kelley. Though both Postmill, Gordan and I do have some minor differences when it comes to the interpretation of Revelation. Gordan holds to an Historicist interpretation and I hold to a Partial-Preterist view of the book. Though we differ on this, we pretty much agree on most other things regarding Postmillennial eschatology.

For those who have never been properly introduced to the Postmillennial view, I would like to encourage you to read this article by Jay Rogers. I think it's a good introduction to Postmillennialism in general and the Partial-Preterest view in particular.

I have recently come across some evidence that the SBC used to actually have some Postmillennial scholars within it's ranks long ago, however, like Reformed Soteriology and church discipline, this eschatological distinctive appears to have been largely lost also...

Post Tenebras, Lux!

Your Best Life Now?

by Daniel Nuckols

www.danspulpit.com


(Hat tip: Way of The Master Radio)

New Baby, Eschatology, and a Book Contest

What on on Earth could a new baby, eschatology, and a book contest have in common?

Let's see if I can tie them all together...

As I write this, my wife is pregnant with our fourth child (our 3rd son) and she's in the early stages of labor. She's already experiencing minor "birth pangs" so our child's arrival is immanent. In fact, the doctor has said that if the baby isn't here by Monday morning, they will be taking her in for an induction procedure.

To celebrate the arrival of my 4th child. I want to give away a book called The Day And The Hour by Francis X. Gumerlock. This book contains hundreds of false predictions of dates for the Rapture and Christ's 2nd Coming, myriad speculations of the identity of the Antichrist and the Beast of Revelation, as well as a host of other eschatological tomfoolery that has been taught within the church by prophecy prognosticators of the past and present.

The chapters chronicle the details century by century. Of course, when the reader gets to the 20th century he will encounter the cream of the date setting crop with the rise of Dispensational Premillennial eschatology.

How can you win a copy of this book?

I will mail a brand new copy of The Day and the Hour to whoever guesses the exact weight of my new son, or comes the closest to the correct weight. It's simple as that!

You may leave your guesses in the comment box or email them to me at rhettswhips at yahoo dot com. Whatever method you choose to use, just be sure I there's a way for me to get in touch with you if you should happen to guess correctly.

Keep this in mind: Our smallest child weighed 7 lbs 12 ounces at birth and the largest was 9 lbs, 9 ounces. So I think the safest bet would be to stay above 7 lbs.

You've got to hurry if you want to have a chance:

The contest ends when the baby is born, so get your guesses in soon!

Surely he comes quickly!!

(If you are a Dispensationalist, you might have interpreted that the "immanent" arrival of my next son means that the baby could arrive within the next 5 minutes or in the next 5000 years, but I assure you, he really is coming quickly so get your guesses in ASAP!)

Drive Through Church!

(H.T. Way of the Master Radio)

Purpose Driven Church Sued Over Name

The Baptist News Network Press

Sunny Springs, CA. - When the Sunny Springs Baptist Church changed its name to Saddlebags Church, Rev. Mark Lawson and other leaders hoped it would help the image of the 2500 member church. Having recently adopted the Purpose Driven Church model, they hoped that dropping the old denominational name would be just what they needed to complete their makeover and maybe even be enough send their membership numbers toward the 5000 mark.

Now Saddlebags Church and Pastor Lawson face a multi-million dollar lawsuit from nearly a two dozen women who were offended by the new name.

Speaking on behalf of the plaintiffs, Attorney Susan Wilson says, "When the church leadership changed the church name, my clients were deeply offended."

When asked to explain why her clients were offended, Wilson replied, "As we all know, the term 'saddlebags' is a derogatory term used in reference to the shape of some women's outer thighs. After the name change, my clients became very self-conscious of their body image and felt uncomfortable at church. We are seeking restitution for emotional suffering and medical expenses due to the fact that 12 of our clients have had extensive cosmetic surgery due to this incident."

Pastor Lawson was unavailable for comment, but his office did release this statement earlier today:

"We only intended to make our church more like Rick Warren's Saddleback Church so we hoped that changing the name to Saddlebags would help us in this endeavour. It was never our intention to offend women in the church. The leadership at Saddlebags Church stand behind our decision to use this name and hope this can be cleared up before our annual Community Felt Needs Survey next month."

A recent survey conducted within Saddlebags has shown that 93% of the congregation has a very favorable opinion of the new name. Among men, the name recieved almost 100% approval.

Anonymous sources within Saddlebags Church have confirmed that Pastor Rick Warren flew in on Monday to secretly meet with the leaders of the embattled church to advise them on ways to handle the lawsuits and to encourage the church to focus on extending an olive branch to Muslim leaders in the area by seek forgiveness of the All-Merciful One and of the Muslim community around the world.

No court date as been set at this time.



This news story was pure satire!

Happy New Year Everybody!

Straight No Chaser: The 12 Days of Christmas

By far the most interesting version I have ever heard!

Eye Opening Video

I said I wouldn't do it...

I had never even been tempted until after I had the DVD in my procession.

Though I figured it was going to sting a bit, I just couldn't resist it. The temptation was too much. I gave into to it. I just couldn't help myself. I inserted the DVD into the computer and then hit the play button...

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!


Two words: Painful Experience!

What was on the DVD?

Me.

It was a video of me preaching!

Here's a few things I noticed right away:

• My voice sounds WAY TOO MUCH like Joel Osteen.


• I speak too fast..
• I need to enunciate...


• I move around way too much...


• I say "you see" way too much...


• I'm one handsome devil...!


• Uh, that was a joke...
• Oh yeah... I repeat "Lord" way too much when I pray...

I've never thought I was God's gift to the pulpit, but I'll tell you, it's difficult to watch. I can't even stand to hear my voice being played back on a audio recording so this is especially humbling. I guess there's one good thing about watching this DVD: now I know what I need to do to improve.

Merry Christmas from The Family!

You might be a Redneck if....

HuckChuckFacts

The following clip tells the facts about Mike Huckabee and Chuck Norris:



With a friend like Chuck Norris, who needs Secret Service protection??

8 Reasons Why I Don't Share My Faith...

This video clip demonstrates 8 reasons why this fellow won't witness to others. It's humorous, but it makes a good point. Enjoy.

On the way to the Battlefield...

We just got back from visiting my wife's clan in Florida. It was a good trip. Yesterday, I took the family to Dade Battlefield, a State Park in Bushnell, FL.

Dade Battlefield is where a group of Seminoles ambushed a column of U.S. Army soldiers under the command of Major Francis J. Dade.

Maj. Dade was cut down in the first volley of the ambush and all but three of the soldiers were killed: one of my ancestors was among the dead. This event sparked the 2ND Seminole Indian War.

As much as I love history and would like to continue writing about Dade Battlefield, that's not the reason why I am writing. It's actually an old fashioned Rant about something that chapped my hide!

On the way to the battlefield, we went through a small Central Florida city named Center Hill. As we traveled through the rural town, my wife spotted a church sign. The sign belonged to the Presbyterian Church in Center Hill. What it said was even more sad that the silly cliches I see on most church signs... This REALLY bugged me.

What was it that bugged me even more than a message saying "Walmart isn't the only saving place."

Get ready...

Here it comes...

The Center Hill Presbyterian Church was advertising the dates and times that they were going to be playing the Transformers Movie and Shrek the Third.

This astonished me. Almost outraged me. I wish I had stopped and taken a picture...

Why not Amazing Grace?

Even a discourse on the Westminster Confession would be nice...

Here's a revolutionary idea: Why not try preach something from the Bible?

"How could a church fall so far?," I asked myself...

Then I did a bit of research on the Center Hill Presbyterian Church and found the answer:

It's PCUSA.

How could I expect anything more?

For churches belonging to this [largely] apostate denomination, Transformers and Shrek are probably more "edifying" than anything that comes from the pulpit...

Loathsome Clichés!

The longer I'm a Christian, the more I become annoyed all the silly cliché sayings that we use... Many of these figures of evangelical speech sound silly and most are not based on Scripture. What's worse, is these clichés have a very bad influence on the theology of laity. I've observed that the theological framework of some people is based more upon these oft repeated clichés than anything actually found in Scripture!

Here's a few of the ones I hate the most and I've included a brief explanation of why:

1. "Don't put God in a box."

Reason I don't like it:

God won't fit in any box: He's infinite. This silly saying is often used by people who want to justify some aberrant practice or something that they want to blame on God, but don't have any Scripture to back it with.

2. "Let Go and Let God."

Reason I don't like it:

God is Sovereign, we don't "let" Him do anything. He does what He wants, when He wants. Even is human activities seem to hinder something God's doing, it's only because God allows it for some reason known only to Him.

3. "Accept Jesus as your personal Lord and Saviour."

Reason I don't like it:

What Bible verse is this based upon anyway? The Lord Jesus isn't the one who needs our acceptance: we need His!! Repent and Believe the Gospel is what we should be telling sinners!!!

Okay, there's my top three. There's many more I could list, but I want to let my readers weigh in on the subject.

Feel free to submit your most hated cliché saying(s) in my combox!

Be sure to include the reason why you don't like the cliché!!

The Emergent Church...

From Way of The Master Radio...

Preacher's Nightmare...

And Now For Something Completely Different!

Monty Python is the greatest!

Reformed Rap: Ligonier Style!

I found this video on the FIDE-O blog... It's from the 2006 Ligonier National Conference in Orlando. Brothers John and Ligon Duncan are goofing off in between sessions...


Not too bad for a couple of middle aged Reformed white boys!

So much for Presbyterians being the "chosen frozen", eh?

Motivation for Homeschooling #276

Youth Pastor Fired for Teaching too much Bible!

As a new youth director, TBNN really caught my attention with this particular satire....

Rules of The South

(from a circulating email)


The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-16 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. We say "sir and ma'am", "please and thank you", "excuse me and I'm sorry" when we are wrong or impolite. Do not make the mistake of thinking it makes us weak. It's just good up-bringing.

12. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

13. When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

14. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it frightens the fish, and aggravates the alligators.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we think slow. You may be in for a surprise.

19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump stuff ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! (Refer back to #1!)

The Duel!!!

You know you're in the country when you hear this!